Hello, my friends.
Can we talk for a moment about something that is rampant in virtually every industry? Something that has crept into business and spread like ragweed, choking out good ideas in its path? Something that can ruin a business presentation faster than an ax murderer at the next table can ruin a first date?
I'm talking, my friends, in corporate jargon – and even more terrifyingly, its evil cousin: the corporate buzzword. My friends – brothers and sisters – I beg you, avoid these phrases in your internal communications, press releases and presentations, as you will cause death to fly.
Jargon of course, is industry specific language difficult for foreigners to understand. Every industry has it; Hell, in newspaper writing game we are throwing words and phrases like lede, inverted pyramid, graff etc. It can actually be a useful shortcut among colleagues. When it escapes to the outside world, however, the jargon becomes special language used by internal groups to exclude outsiders.
Worse yet: the corporate buzzword – a technical sounding word or phrase that doesn't really mean anything but looks impressive on a mission statement. Public relations executives, career bureaucrats, and corporate press release writers love buzzwords. Why?
Well, it can't just be that they are all sadists whose only zest for life comes from inflicting suffering on innocent people, except in the case of career bureaucrats. I argue that this is because jargon and buzzwords cover small ideas of polysyllabic grandiosity – that they are used to deceive those who confuse prolixity with profundity. Why would anyone else use a medium that kills clarity and dances on the corpse of conciseness? For God's sake, a one-page mission statement shouldn't be denser read than a Cormac McCarthy novel.
My friends, we should never be reduced to saying that our company "objectively pursues multiplatform scalability" or "dramatically orchestrates lasting victories" or "shapes into collaboration transparent innovation '. And if you ever feel tempted to say that your team "transparently envisions the best infomediaries" – please, please tell someone. One you trust that you have a problem and want help.
Here are a few buzzwords that I think have run their course:
Out of the frame
Membership
Move the needle
Fundamental values
Ecosystem (regarding anything that does not include plants, wildlife, and the outdoors)
Deep dive
Bleeding edge
Negative growth (a business is not 'experiencing negative growth' – it is just losing money)
Deliverable (as a noun)
Explore down
And, of course, anyone who willfully uses the word "synergy" betrayed their ancestors and brought shame on their family. He should be sent west, into the great deserts, where his "synergies" and "evolves" will resonate among the blameless cliffs and dissipate harmlessly into the unfeeling void.
I realize, my friends, that many of us have been in the professional world for so long that these phrases have become second nature to us. Hell, sometimes I'm guilty of mindlessly throwing the "lower third" or "amazement" into conversations with non-journalists. But whatever the use of corporate buzzwords, I believe their time is over. It's time to cut this cancer out of our businesses and communicate in a way that everyone can understand. As the great Abraham Lincoln said:
“The dogmas of the quiet past are not suited to the stormy present. As our case is new, we must think again and act again. We have to strip ourselves, and we'll never have to use the word "synergy" again. Seriously, what idiot thought of that? "
Thank you for your kind attention.
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